Missing Link Found!

Hydrology added! Landslides attached! USGS gages located! Hills shaded! Plus: thousands of residents smothered as a huge topographic map layer was glued down on top of a large portion of Transylvania County! Details at 11.

Searching For the Missing Link in Transylvania

Worked on the Transylvania County survey area assignment. Since some unnamed person who was soaking up sun in Mexico while we were freezing here in the subarctic regions left a link to a missing page of data and assignment info, we also studied improvisation. Heaven forbid, we had to actually think in order to find data and get our maps finished up. My brain still hurts.

Coordinated Conspiracies, Groundhogs, and Deja Vu

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Went to class this morning expecting a substitute, but either
A: Pete hasn't headed to Mexico yet, or
B: He has genetically engineered a clone to teach his class while he basks in the Yucatan sun and drinks beverages with little umbrellas in them.

Got the tests back, (didn't flunk, thankfully) and had a lecture about x-y coordinate systems, scale, and such. Then we ran amock making Google maps. We created one on which we all conspired together online at the same time, and came up with a pretty good finished product. Nobody even got an eye put out. We are professionals. Do not try this at home.

On a sadder note (assuming that you have a fondness for fossorial rodents), I used my newly-acquired coordinating skills on the way out to determine that the expired groundhog in the middle of the campus entrance road is still located in the same exact x-y coordinates that he occupied last Friday, and still looks exactly the same after seven days on asphalt. Hmmm. I'm not sure whether he's in State_Plane_North_Carolina_FIPS_3200 or UTM_Zone_14_Transverse_Mercator, but I'm pretty sure he's still occupying the same coordinates. Either
A: This is an extremely resiliant expired groundhog, or
B: The campus staff removes the old expired groundhog every afternoon and replaces him with a fresh one each morning to extend the Groundhog Day celebrations from February 2nd to include the entire month. I don't know whether or not he saw his shadow.
Of course, in the Groundhog Day movie, Bill Murray keeps seeing things that look exactly like they did the day before. If I keep publishing this same post day after day, maybe it's happening again.

Lawnmower Blades, GIS, and Potted Meat

GIS 121 customer Steve Parker is a real person, not an actor. So we hired Karl Childers from the Slingblade movie to help him tell his story.

SP: We had a test today. It was pretty tough. I had studied for it, so I hope I did well.

Karl: Well sir, when they come and got me from the nervous hospital to do this here commercial, I kindly hoped I'd get to meet that little green lizard feller from the TV. Some folks calls him a gecko, I calls him a little green lizard. But they sent me to this here GIS outfit that was run by a feller name of Pete. He give us a test. Uhhhhmmmm. It was kindly hard. I studied on that map book quite a spell, and I reckon I understood a great deal of it, but it was a whole sight harder than that book on Christmas or that'un on carpentry. Mmmmhhhhmmmmm.

SP: The test had a lot of essay questions about geodesy and the history of cartography.

Karl: Mmmhhhhmmm. Well sir, that there test was purty rough. I reckon he aimed to kill us with it. That Pete feller, he's a whole sight meaner than that ol' Doyle Hargraves over at Mrs. Wheatley's place, I reckon. That geodesy, I ain't no account at it. He was asking us questions about Authalic spheres and datums and graticules and whatnot. Them meridians (some folks calls 'em longitudes, I calls 'em meridians) they're kindly shaped like a big bananner. I kindly figgered that I got most of them questions right, but I don't rightly know. Mmmmmuhhhhmmmm.

SP: Then Pete lectured about Map Projections. He said he would be gone next week. He's going to Mexico and will get to go see Chichen Itza.

Karl: That Pete feller commenced in to talking about squarshing the world down onto cones and papers and whatnot. I said I reckon we ought not to treat the world like that, we ought to just kindly let it be like it is. Then he said he was gonna go down to Mexico somewheres next week to some sort of chicken eatin' place or something another like that. Mmmmhhhmm. I told him he didn't have to go all the way down to Mexico to eat chickens. He can get him a bite of chicken to eat down at that place where Mrs. Wheatley brung that bucket of chicken from that night I hit that Doyle Hargraves feller in the head with that lawnmower blade and killed him. I don't much like to eat down there no more, though. Mmmhhhmmhhhhhhmm. Hit kindly reminds me that I'm probably gonna go to Hades for killing ol' Doyle. And my Mama and that no-account feller from down there at the sawmill that I hit up side the head with that slingblade. Some folks calls it a Kaiser blade, I calls it a slingblade. Hhhhhmmmmuuummmhhh. Anyhow, I reckon that Pete feller knows a sight more about eatin' chickens than I do, seeing as how they've got him teaching all them classes down to the college and whatnot. Come to think of it, I don't reckon I'd mind to go down to that Frosty Freeze place across the road from Bill Coxe's lawnmower outfit and get me something or other to eat. They ain't got no biscuits in there, and I reckon it's a whole sight cheaper to go down to the dollar store and get some of that potted meat. But I sure do like them french fried potaters that they've got down there at that Frosty Freeze outfit. Maybe that boy and that funny feller that made friends with Mrs. Wheatly might want to go down there with me and get a bite to eat. Mmmmmhhhhmmmmm.

MOTHER NATURE HATES GIS! -an exclusive interview! / Plus: Resistance is futile. You will be asymbolated.

Another inclement weather delay-so far that's two out of three classes. I wondered what was up with that, so I called Ma Nature and after some grousing about being really busy and running late for a typhoon she had scheduled in Bangladesh this morning, she finally agreed to a quick interview:

SP: What's up with the inclement weather on Fridays lately? Do you have something against GIS classes?
MN: Actually, to be perfectly honest with you, I loath them. I am strongly opposed to GIS and will do everything within my power to prevent the timely assimilation of knowledge about it. Also, I just enjoy sitting back and watching y'all fools driving forty miles to class over ice-encrusted highways. It's better than roller derby for pure entertainment value.

SP: Ah, I thought so. What happened last Friday? The weather wasn't too bad-we actually got to have class on time.
MN: Oh, I apologize for that. That was the morning that I had accidentally set my alarm to go off at 4:00 PM instead of 4:00 AM and overslept. I never can keep up with whether the little red dot is supposed to mean AM or PM. Plus, since I turned 753 million last August, I can't see as well up close as I could back when I was only a few million years old. You'd think that they would find some way to make those little dots less confusing for us older folks. Anyway, listen to me, I'm rambling again. Sorry-my bad.

SP: At least you're being sort of creative about it-snow the first time and ice this time. What do you have planned for next Friday if you don't mind me asking?
MN: Well, I usually try to keep information like that kind of secret, you know. The only person that I've ever talked to on a regular basis about stuff like that was Bob Caldwell, but since he retired, I've been playing it a little closer to the vest. That Jay Siltzer guy just doesn't get it, and that Julie Wunder chick, well, she's a just a bit too wide-eyed to suit me if you know what I mean-looks all the time like she just saw a damn rat or something. But anyway, I'll try to brew up something unique just for you, Mr. Smarty-Pants-Redundant-Weather-is-Boring-Man. We haven't had a good plague of locusts in awhile, or maybe I could turn a seventh part of the waters to blood. On second thought, scratch the blood thing-you'd probably love that. You'd be over there in your little class making one of your little fancy mappy-things to show which watershed basins were affected and which weren't. And you wonder why I don't like GIS. How do you feel about ball lightning? All I can tell you is you'll just have to wait and see what I'm going to smite you with, just like everybody else. Now, like I said, I've got work to do. My typhoon is already running an hour behind schedule because of Mr. Curiosity here, and when I'm done with that I've still got to brew up something interesting for the Superbowl- Peace Out!

Finally got to class, went over chapters 3 & 4 in The Enormously Expensive and Increasingly Demanding and Progressively High-Maintenance Cartography Textbook (heretofore known as TEEIDPHMCT for the sake of brevity). The lecture covered among other things, the exploits of some old Greek expatriate dude named Eratosthenes (who somehow fairly accurately measured the circumferance of the Earth in 250 BC by using the sun, a fencepost and a hole in the ground when I probably couldn't accurately measure the circumferance of a basketball in 2008 AD with a Stanly tape measure, a laser level, surveyor's transit, set of inside calipers, trigonometry textbook, and a computer with a Pentium 4 processor/ 64 gig hard drive.) I reached the conclusions that (a:) I hate show-offy people like Eratosthenes; and (b:) George Bush apparently wasn't around pushing his No Child Left Behind educational policies in ancient Greece/Egypt. (A fence post and a hole in the ground. Damn.) We then went over such fun things as geodesy, ellipsoids, geoids, authalic spheres, rhumb lines, datums (both horozontal and vertical, and probably more but that's about the time that my brain overloaded and short-circuited, my eyes rolled back into my head and I started grinning and drooling. Then Pete told us about the test next week. Uh-oh.

We did get to have some fun, though-we finally embarked on our long-awited campaign of world domination by symbolizing the whole African continent. (I'm pretty sure that it wasn't legal according to the rules of the Geneva Convention, but hey- I could, so I did.) I started out by symbolizing the major cities, then the countries, the human populations and even the wildlife. By then I was so jacked up on the whole adrenaline rush of all that wanton symbolism that before I realized it, I had also symbolized all the rivers, power plants and diamond mines. Still looking around for more victims, I didn't stop until I had symbolized the topography of most of the Great Rift Valley. By then I was pretty tired and kinda hungry, so I stopped symbolizing and went to eat a sammich.