GIS 121 customer Steve Parker is a real person, not an actor. So we hired Karl Childers from the Slingblade movie to help him tell his story.
SP: We had a test today. It was pretty tough. I had studied for it, so I hope I did well.
Karl: Well sir, when they come and got me from the nervous hospital to do this here commercial, I kindly hoped I'd get to meet that little green lizard feller from the TV. Some folks calls him a gecko, I calls him a little green lizard. But they sent me to this here GIS outfit that was run by a feller name of Pete. He give us a test. Uhhhhmmmm. It was kindly hard. I studied on that map book quite a spell, and I reckon I understood a great deal of it, but it was a whole sight harder than that book on Christmas or that'un on carpentry. Mmmmhhhhmmmmm.
SP: The test had a lot of essay questions about geodesy and the history of cartography.
Karl: Mmmhhhhmmm. Well sir, that there test was purty rough. I reckon he aimed to kill us with it. That Pete feller, he's a whole sight meaner than that ol' Doyle Hargraves over at Mrs. Wheatley's place, I reckon. That geodesy, I ain't no account at it. He was asking us questions about Authalic spheres and datums and graticules and whatnot. Them meridians (some folks calls 'em longitudes, I calls 'em meridians) they're kindly shaped like a big bananner. I kindly figgered that I got most of them questions right, but I don't rightly know. Mmmmmuhhhhmmmm.
SP: Then Pete lectured about Map Projections. He said he would be gone next week. He's going to Mexico and will get to go see Chichen Itza.
Karl: That Pete feller commenced in to talking about squarshing the world down onto cones and papers and whatnot. I said I reckon we ought not to treat the world like that, we ought to just kindly let it be like it is. Then he said he was gonna go down to Mexico somewheres next week to some sort of chicken eatin' place or something another like that. Mmmmhhhmm. I told him he didn't have to go all the way down to Mexico to eat chickens. He can get him a bite of chicken to eat down at that place where Mrs. Wheatley brung that bucket of chicken from that night I hit that Doyle Hargraves feller in the head with that lawnmower blade and killed him. I don't much like to eat down there no more, though. Mmmhhhmmhhhhhhmm. Hit kindly reminds me that I'm probably gonna go to Hades for killing ol' Doyle. And my Mama and that no-account feller from down there at the sawmill that I hit up side the head with that slingblade. Some folks calls it a Kaiser blade, I calls it a slingblade. Hhhhhmmmmuuummmhhh. Anyhow, I reckon that Pete feller knows a sight more about eatin' chickens than I do, seeing as how they've got him teaching all them classes down to the college and whatnot. Come to think of it, I don't reckon I'd mind to go down to that Frosty Freeze place across the road from Bill Coxe's lawnmower outfit and get me something or other to eat. They ain't got no biscuits in there, and I reckon it's a whole sight cheaper to go down to the dollar store and get some of that potted meat. But I sure do like them french fried potaters that they've got down there at that Frosty Freeze outfit. Maybe that boy and that funny feller that made friends with Mrs. Wheatly might want to go down there with me and get a bite to eat. Mmmmmhhhhmmmmm.
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